finding yourself in the clutter

Hi there! I’m writing this in the midst of unpacking/being sick/feeling deeply cluttered. Thankfully, it gives me a much needed moment to pause-what do I want to do next? In the midst of opening a huge new chapter, it feels overwhelming to take those dramatic first few steps. Where am I heading? Advice?!!!!?!!??! ADVICE PLEASEEE~!WJFOIDSFLK

This has been ringing through my ears. Desperate clawing at the wall for tarot readings. Streaming that sweet sweet nectar into my ear drums. They ALL say it’s gonna get better, but who is going to be the one to lift myself by my bootstraps?? Oh waitttttt…. the exciting part is now. Shaping and molding the next steps. Imaging what comes next, and breaking through the ice. It’s hardest to start to carve a path. This is where apathy can kick in,,, why start at all? Procrastination becomes our friend, and we get lost in the dreaming. Why start? Why take a step when you can ALWAYS be stuck in the dreaming phase? In my sick and miserable state I say DAMN YOU! There is no better time to start than now. Oh, how beautiful and sweet it feels to make the first steps. Those first clumsy steps, they don’t have to be guided. Those first clumsy steps, they can be misguided. They can be drunken and stubborn, but they’re there. I don’t know where I’m going now, but I do know this—my heart calling has never felt louder. I have found myself in the middle of the IKEA bags looming between my left and my right. Somehow, in the chaos of the world, I feel quite the opposite. My heart knows what my spirit doesn’t. My dear reader, I encourage you to brush aside, what “important” tasks await you, and listen to your heart. What is it telling you? What classes have you been excusing doing? What new routine? What excuses are you telling yourself? Reflect on it.

The hardest part is admitting the mistake and getting back onto your horse (ha I hope Trump didn’t kill it….iykyk). Now is a more wonderful time than ever. We can be pulled away by enthusing plans with friends, obligations, and responsibilities, but life is calling you now. What somber song is your heart singing? What are you ignoring? Often, I find my deepest realizations hit when I’m sick and allow myself to listen. In this age, we always have a screen or something in front of us. We are always asking outside of us, what’s this and why is that? When we rarely ask, what do I want and need at this moment? Society is fueled by purchases, events, and new and more and more and more. Feed this beast, and it is never full. A bottomless pitted creature. I never want to see it satisfied, for then, the world will be burnt down. We are living in an evil evil world, with rulers that don’t give a SHIT. We are their fuel, and source of currency. Remember to find yourself in the mess of it all. That in itself is rebellion. It shows up as you, rather than the etchings of what they want you to be, to fill their pockets with more greed. DON’T FEED THE BEAST. It calls us all, and creates a small monster within us all. One that is material, and never happy. Listen to your deep inner self and it will all unfold before you. It is only to be heard when you too, can listen.

Thank you, dear reader, for tuning in. I hope you make a moment for yourself, because as I am becoming a young adult, I learned quickly that you need to pull away from madness to make sense of the world. Much love, and happy reflecting<33

With all the love, and stolen pennies from the floor,

Rebecca

PS. I hope you find a small token of joy today:) whatever that looks like for you